Devil within, p.3
Devil Within, page 3
Through my watery vision, I can see my father’s pure, drunk anger evident in his reddened eyes. He hates me so much.
I can’t remember why I’m getting a beating this time. Sometimes he does it because he’s frustrated with work and mom and other times, he just wants to pound his large fists into my face as if he wants to kill me. I feel the anger passing between us. I feel his inability to control himself as he wraps his large hands around my neck and then the shrill cries of my mother save me as I jolt awake from the nightmare. My body is covered in a thin sheen of sweat and my breath is uneven as I try to calm myself down.
It’s just a nightmare. Fucking nightmares. I do everything to forget, but they never go away.
Looking over at the alarm clock, I see that it’s only 3:15 a.m., so I pull the sheets off of me and get out of bed before heading over into the dark living room.
I walk over to the glass window and stare out at the black, starless sky. Saylor Towers overlooks the impressive Manhattan skyline.
Millions of lights twinkle weakly in the distance as the early morning blanket of fog hovers above the city.
From where I stand, I can also see the Hudson River, and just before that is the Vessel glowing with its glorious golden light.
My mother’s obsession with naming me after the river is something I would never understand. She always tells me that it’s beautiful, but it probably holds some other significant importance to her. Whatever it is, she never tells me.
Turning away from the window, I go over to the couch and sit down. Instead of thinking back to the nightmare, I flip open my MacBook and go onto Parker’s Instagram page, searching for the guy that she was talking to the day before.
Sure enough, I find quite a few pictures with both of them together. She tagged him in all, so I press on the tags and his name pops up. Ryan Burke. How did I not see this dumb fuck?
I swipe through the pictures, anger building up inside of me as the pictures get more intimate. Ryan kisses Parker. Ryan touches her. Ryan makes her laugh. Who the fuck is he?
Parker didn’t seem too thrilled to see Ryan yesterday. She said that it was over. Maybe he’s an ex. But why are their pictures still up as if they are together?
Shutting my Mac off, I head over to the bathroom and take an ice-cold shower to numb my thoughts.
Anger. I need to keep my anger in check. It doesn’t look very good when I lose it. I know exactly how I look. Like a raving monster. A raving monster, the words play in the back of my mind.
That’s exactly what Diana had told me when I lost it in front of her. Her blue eyes were large and afraid, her body trembling as she crawled away from me.
“You’re not normal! You need help!” she screamed.
I remember her words as if they are tattooed at the back of my mind. There’s something wrong with me and every time, I swear to change, I know it’s a lie. Therapists, shrinks, I’ve been through a list of them over the years and if they couldn’t help me, well I suppose my soul is damned anyway then.
Would I lose my cool with Parker too? No, she’s different. She is mine. She isn’t like Diana or any of the others as matter of fact.
Parker is an innocent fucking angel. I can hardly wait to have her in my grasp.
I tilt my head up as the cool water cascades over me and think about my plan carefully.
If I am thorough, I know exactly how this game will play out.
7
Bodyshots
The Éclipse nightclub in the heart of Manhattan has a hip vibe to it, I note when Lex and I walk in, after handing our IDs over to the tall, burly bouncers who stand outside, with natural scowls on their faces.
I look down at the neon pink tag around my wrist that the bouncers had given us.
“I don’t think we’d afford one drink in here,” Lex says as we step in with a sultry crowd of people.
Blue and white strobe lights flash around the club and a mist machine blows out a blanket of fog that travels between us, giving the club a creepy, but cool vibe.
Everything has a cool, glass-looking surface, even the long bar with a pale blue light radiating from inside its countertop.
“I’m not interested in the alcohol,” I tell Lex as my eyes scan the crowd.
“What about me?” she whines. “I need some booze.”
“You always need booze. When your liver collapsed, remind me to tell you, I told you so.”
“Parker?” I turn to see a young woman approaching us in a thin, formal black dress that comes above her knees.
She’s holding a glass tray with various drinks. The woman hands a dark blue drink to Lex and a thin white card to me along with a vivid green drink.
It’s a note. I open it up, while Lex busies herself with her boozy cocktail and the woman leaves us without another word.
Inside, are two simple words: Up here.
When I lift my head, I see him standing there. Hudson is leaning against the guardrail on the second floor and he’s looking right down at me, a wicked smile playing across his lips.
Everything else zones out and I leave Lex behind as I step forward. Hudson moves away from the guardrail and comes down the stairs.
Tonight, he’s in a diaphanous black shirt that’s unbuttoned halfway, allowing me to admire his chiselled torso and various tiny tattoos.
There’s a pair of angel wings in a gothic style that sits on his left breastbone, with a silver medallion that hangs around his neck.
His black hair is casual and not styled in any specific way, which is something that I admire, because it just shows that he doesn’t have to try too hard to look good.
“You made it,” he says as he reaches me.
“I did,” I say, my face burning at how close we’re standing.
He slips his hand around my waist and I gasp as his fingers move along my lower back. “You wanna go up? It’s VIP and fun.”
I hesitate for a second and turn back to look for Lex, but I spot her at the bar, twirling her hair as she chats to a dark-haired guy. She’s probably trying to flirt with him into getting her drinks, but knowing Lex, she’ll probably take him home like a lost puppy that she found at the park. She is shameless that way.
I turn back to Hudson and he smiles darkly as he leads me up the stairs to the second floor.
SWIM by Chase Atlantic starts to play. I can feel the music pulse through my body as we enter the darkened VIP area that’s bathed in a dark blue light.
People are lounging everywhere, some taking drugs, some make-out unashamedly and others are laying across expensive-looking couches, lined with thick fur.
We take the furthest couch away from everyone and I throw my drink back in one go. There’s a slight burn, but it’s mostly sweet.
I look up into Hudson’s dark eyes to find him watching me closely and before I can stop myself, I reach up to touch his cheekbone.
“You’re hot,” I whisper.
Hudson grins and leans in. “But you’re hotter.”
The dangerous allure of being around Hudson is so heavy in the air that I can barely breathe.
“Wanna do something fun?” Hudson whispers in my ear, his breath tickling my skin and his lips brushing my earlobe.
My heart starts to pound as I stare up at him. “You know we barely know each other right?”
“So why don’t we change that? There are no rules to follow when you’re with me,” he says, taking my hand as we stand up and he leads me over to an empty seating area. “We all start as strangers anyway.”
There’s a large white couch, a smaller bar without a bartender and a wide black wooden table in the middle.
“Wanna do body shots?” he asks, leaving my side and walking over to the bar.
He grabs a bottle of tequila and shot glass and places them on the table, before returning to get slices of lime and salt.
I stand there silently unsure of what I want out of this. But something in me wants to go along with whatever Hudson is doing. He is like drugs; whatever he suggests sounds good even though I feel like it’s wrong. And like drugs, there’s always a good and bad effect.
“I-I never did it before,” I stutter.
Hudson walks over to me and takes my hand, before leading me over to the table. “It’s fun.”
“If you don’t want to,” he says, his dark eyes regarding me. “it’s okay. We can do something else.”
An image of Ryan flashes through my mind and I stop hesitating. Why do I have to be the good, obedient girl?
“I want to do it,” I tell Hudson.
“Lie back on the table,” he instructs me and I sit on the table and lie back.
Anticipation builds in my veins as the lyrics, You picked a dance with the devil and you lucked out blasts through the speakers
Hudson climbs over me, his long legs on either side of my body as he takes the shot glass and pours in the tequila.
“Open your mouth,” he instructs and I do.
He then places the lime wedge in my mouth and I clench it between my teeth and even though I’m completely inexperienced when it comes to this stuff, I’ve been in college long enough to hear what the other girls talk about.
Still, my heart starts to race. I’ve never done body shots before, what the hell am I thinking?
Hudson lifts my t-shirt slightly, his eyes on mine as he places the salt on my midriff. “Ready?” he asks, in a low husky voice that sends tremors through my body.
“Yeah,” I whisper. “I’m ready.”
He pulls the shoulder part of my t-shirt down and pours the cool tequila liquid in the hollow space between my neck and shoulder.
And things start to get very heavy from there. Before I can think of anything else, Hudson’s lips are on me. On my midriff to be more specific and when his tongue touches my skin, I gasp.
His fingers dance along my exposed waist as he licks the salt. His tongue is hot against my skin. Like a flame of desire burning into me.
Hudson moves up and drinks the liquid from the hollow area of my neck, before settling above me, his black hair falling into my face as he grabs the slice of lime. Our lips touch, but only for a second because Hudson pulls away and bites into the lime, sucking it before discarding the slice.
I watch as a drop of the lime juice rolls down his jaw and I can feel something hard against my pelvic bone as he presses into me.
My eyes flicker to the protruding bulge hidden by his jeans before I look back up at him. And the way he’s staring at me right now makes me want to do all kinds of crazy things.
Like, kiss him for instance.
His hot hands are still on my midriff and he stares at me, his dark green eyes travelling lower until he’s staring at my mouth.
I part my lips and reach up to grab his black shirt. Hudson leans forward and presses his warm, wet lips against mine. He tastes like tequila and sour lime. My fingers sink into the dark depths of his hair and I pull him closer as his hot tongue explores my mouth and his teeth pull my bottom lip into his mouth.
His warm, intoxicating scent fills my senses, desire radiating between us as the kiss deepens and Hudson’s fingers climb further up until the soft pad of his thumb is against the side of my right breast.
His touch is soft and teasing as he gently nibbles on my lips, promising a bruising.
Everything Ryan and I ever shared evaporate as I’m blinded by passion. Heat curls down my spine, but Hudson suddenly pulls away and we’re both panting for air.
“I’m Hudson Saylor-Tyne and I’d like to get to know you very much,” he says before we both burst out laughing.
8
Mom
Parker
“So you let him kiss you?” Lex asks.
It’s Saturday and we’re at a small pizzeria called Gino’s, just a few blocks away from our apartment building.
The sun is shining down on us with its warm grinning rays and while we’re soaking up some much-needed Vitamin C, I sip my iced apple tea.
It’s so refreshing as the cool liquid travels down my throat, satiating my thirst.
“It was mutual,” I say, lifting a slice of basil and mozzarella pizza and stuffing it into my mouth. “I mean we both wanted to kiss, I guess.”
I momentarily think of Hudson. The way he kissed me and the way his fingers dug into my skin as he slid his tongue into my mouth.
I’d never been kissed like that before. Sure, Ryan could kiss and our make-out sessions were above average, but Hudson is on another level entirely.
I touch my lips and think of the way it felt to be with him. Ravaged. That’s the first word that comes to mind as I think of him. Everything with him is so different and it’s my kind of different. But I just broke up with my boyfriend, am I supposed to be thinking like this?
Right now I can hardly care about Ryan. When I woke up this morning the first thing I thought about was Hudson. His gorgeous green eyes, fuckable lips and devilish tongue haunt my thoughts constantly.
Thinking about him like this makes me feel as if I’ll need to confess my sins soon at a church. I’d never been particularly spiritual, but my thoughts are so unholy that it surprises me a bit.
I wish I had run into him sooner because whatever is going on between us, feels good. My insides feel as if they’re fluttering with millions of butterflies. It feels like a first crush all over again and I’m so giddy, I can barely contain it.
“So you and Ryan really are over, huh?”
“Yeah,” I say. “You know a few months ago I caught him on Tinder. But he denied it and when I checked his phone, it was as if it never existed.”
“He’s such a dick,” Lex says.
And I couldn’t agree more, I think as my phone begins to buzz on the table. I lift my phone to see my mom’s caller ID flash across the screen so I answer it.
“Hey, Mama.”
“Hi, honey. How are you?” she asks in a chirpy tone.
Even though she and my father live a thirty-five-minute drive away in Staten Island, I barely see them.
Since starting my sophomore year, I’d seen them even less, because the workload just became additional.
“I’m good. How are you and dad doing?
“We’re both good, baby. Guess what? We’re driving down to Manhattan later on. There’s a charity ball at some venue near the Hudson River,” she explains. “Your father and I thought it would be nice if you joined us for dinner tonight. It’s been ages since we dined together. Besides, I doubt you’re eating anything other junk food.”
“But tonight—” I begin, but mother cuts me off.
“So you’re coming? Oh, Will, she’s coming!” she shouts at my father on the other end.
“Yes, I am!” I say as cheerfully as I can.
“Oh, honey, you still live at that apartment with that friend of yours, right?”
“I do.”
“Okay, well, I’ll send over a few choice dresses with Vanders and he’ll bring you straight to the ball. And, um, what about that nice guy you’re dating. Ryan? Will you bring him as a date?”
I let out a breath, before answering that question, remembering the time I introduced that jerk to my parents. My mother was head over heels, but my dad was always wary of him. And he had a right to be.
I wish I had his wisdom sometimes.
“Ryan’s probably busy,” I lie because my parents don’t necessarily need to know every aspect of my dating life.
“Oh, that’s too bad, but at least we’ll see you later on,” she says.
“See you later,” I tell her, before ending the call.
“Was your mom being inquisitive again?” Lex asks with raised eyebrows and a grin plastered across her face. She lives for drama.
“You know it,” I say. “She asked about Ryan and she wants me to go to this charity ball, later on, so she’s sending over a few dresses with Vanders.”
Lex narrows her eyes and leans back in her chair. “Lucky bitch. If you weren’t my roommate and I didn’t love you, I’d probably despise you.”
I love Lex’s candour. She’s always been so straightforward and to the point. She also doesn’t care that my parents are both from old money or the fact that my father, Will Kelleher, owns one of the biggest architectural firms in New York City or the fact that my mom has lunch dates in Michelin Star restaurants every day and the fact that Julia Roberts is on her contact list.
“I don’t want to go,” I tell Lex. “I’m tired.”
“Parker, you’re going. It’s Saturday, you’ll never know who you’ll meet.”
I inwardly groan because I know who I’ll be meeting. A bunch of saggy forty-year-old men and women, with enough collagen in their faces to pretend that they’re still young and fascinating.
“Would you come?” I ask.
Lex smiles sheepishly. “Sorry, I have a date, babe.”
I roll my eyes. “Who on earth is it this time around?”
“His name is Kyle, but that’s all you’re going to get,” she says.
I scrunch my nose up playfully. “Is it that guy from last night?”
Lex’s cheeks grow red immediately, but she nods. “He’s a really nice guy.”
“With a really good dick,” I add and Lex gasps, before reaching over and smacking my arm.
“Oh my God, you’re so shameless!”
I raise my eyebrows. “Oh really? I wasn’t the one announcing how good sex they were having last night. I mean, I wasn’t saying: Oh, yeah, right there! Harder! Harder!”
“Shut up!” Lex’s eyes go wide as she looks around us to see if anyone is gawking at us, but thankfully no one notices.
I blow a kiss in her direction and she groans. “I have to go and get ready for that ball, but I’ll see you later, babe.”
“I’ll see you later, bitch.”
9
Dressup
It’s mid-afternoon when I go back to my apartment building, where Vanders, my parents’ very own chauffeur is patiently waiting, beside the Rolls Royce that he used to drive me in during my high school years.
