“Are you trying to seduce me into saying yes?” I ask as his lips travel lower down my neck.

  “Maybe and then you’re going to cave in and say yes,” he mumbles, his breath tickles my skin.

  “Fine, fine!” I say, laughing. “We can go.”

  “Good girl.” He kisses me one last time, before leaving me down.

  “Perv,” I whisper and he winks at me as he pulls his Hilfiger t-shirt over his head.

  “Come on, let’s make the most of today while we’re still young,” he says and we go back down the path towards the beach.

  The afternoon is cooler and the water is icy now as I walk barefoot on the shallow parts of the shore.

  Grains of sand shift underneath my toes, drifting out towards the ocean as another small wave crashes and foams against my ankles.

  And the ocean continues to breathe gently in its steady back and forth rhythm.

  When I was younger and lived in North Carolina for a while with my grandparents, I used to love going to the beach, walking along the shores like I am now, collecting the weirdest of seashells and pieces of sea glass, watching the sand travel underneath my feet. It always feels magical.

  Pulling myself out of the daydream, up ahead is a small lighthouse positioned on a sandy hill, with bands of white and red paint covering the lighthouse’s surface and just below that is a huge crowd of people gathered on the beach.

  Several bonfires are lit, with red and yellow flames dancing in the air. Metal buckets filled with crushed ice are overflowing with beers and cans of sodas.

  Under My Tongue by Katastro is playing in the air and I feel completely relaxed.

  I grab Hudson’s hand and gently pull him towards me. “Let’s dance.”

  “Parker, no. I can’t dance,” he says as I wrap my arms around him.

  “Why not?”

  “Because,” he shifts uncomfortably, averting my eyes. “I don’t dance.”

  “Which person can’t dance?” I tease. “Come on, just one dance.”

  “Stop,” he whispers, before glancing down into my eyes.

  “I came to this bonfire to have fun with you and it’s fun to dance. If you don’t dance, then what fun will that be. It’s part of life, you have to dance at least once in your lifetime,” I say as I reach up to caress his smooth jawline.

  “Well, it’s not fun to me, so quit insisting!” he snaps and brushes my hand away.

  My face burns with heat as I feel several eyes looking towards us, so I do the only thing I can think of to save myself from humiliation and walk away from Hudson as fast as possible.

  Pieces of driftwood dig into my feet and the wind whips against my face, but I don’t care as the stupid tears break free and fall against my cheeks and I let them.

  “Parker!” Hudson shouts behind me as I head towards the lighthouse.

  “Parker!”

  I continue to trudge up the hill until he grabs my arm and turns me to face him. His expression is twisted with irritation.

  “Leave me alone. You don’t get it, do you? You can’t just talk to me however you feel like, Hudson! I’m not your brother and I’m not your parents. You and I? We just do this stupid thing called dating if that’s what this can even be called.” My voice shakes as I give him a piece of my mind. “And don’t ever think you have the right to touch me like that again!”

  His face goes blank as if he never expected me to say any of this to him. “You might have had your way with other women in the past, but I won’t be one of them, because I’m not one of them.”

  “You’re breaking up with me because I didn’t want to dance?” he asks as if that’s the only wrong thing with this whole conversation.

  I laugh incredulously. “Do you even want me to stay? Couples do things like dancing and holding hands. I don’t get you. One moment, your warm, the next your cold. And I have no idea what I ever did to you to be treated like that.”

  “Jesus, Parker. I don’t do things like that. I can’t do things like that. It’s like you keep expecting me to do these ridiculous things and I don’t want to,” he says walking towards me.

  “Then what’s the point of coming here? Of being with me?” The tears are blurring my vision now. “I don’t want this. Take me back to the house. I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to be with you.”

  Hudson drops his gaze as I stalk past him and he follows behind silently and we leave before the night even begins.

  51

  I’ll Never Let You Go

  Parker

  It’s dark when we reach the house and it looks like Matt is home, throwing yet another party and it’s getting on my nerves.

  When Hudson switches off the car, I get out and shut the door a little too hard behind me, before stalking off towards the house.

  If Hudson wants a party girl, then a party girl is exactly what he’ll get tonight.

  My hair feels a little funny from the beach, slightly rough, but I don’t give a damn right now. I want to get drunk and possibly high. Maybe if I act like a brainless bimbo, Hudson will finally be satisfied with me.

  I walk inside the house, not bothering to even check if Hudson is following behind. But if he is, I’d have to restrain myself from giving him the finger.

  The air is warm and the house is buzzing with people, the floors slick with beer and other unidentifiable substances that I don’t wish to inspect.

  I head into the kitchen as the lyrics to What’s Poppin by Jack Harlow fills my ears.

  I also feel really thirsty suddenly. Grabbing a clean red solo cup from the stack on the island, I fill it up with crushed ice and use some of the blue Gatorade, before topping it up with the vodka.

  “Hey.” Matt walks into the kitchen in a dark blue button-down shirt and jeans. His hair is messy and he wears a fake golden wreath on his head. He also looks wasted as fuck as he stumbles towards me.

  “Hi.” I take a tentative sip of my drink, but it tastes super good, so I take another long sip.

  “Uh oh,” Matt says leaning against the island. “What did he do?”

  “I really don’t want to talk about him or what he did, but I do feel like this is the last time I’ll be hanging out with you,” I tell him and then I drain my cup before preparing another quick drink.

  I make the same drink this time and add a small splash of tequila, before mixing the drink with my index finger and taking a good gulp. The burning sensation inside my throat feels so good.

  It is Spring Break and I do behave myself every other part of the year, so why not misbehave a little now?

  “I’m sorry, he’s always been that way. I on the other hand am a complete gentleman, wanna go out on the deck?” Matt smiles genuinely so I smile back and take my drink as we head out to the deck where the music is blasting.

  Narcos by Migos starts playing now through the stereo system and people start cheering.

  “So what are you planning on doing after college?” Matt asks as he leans into me.

  “You want to talk to me about college right now?” I ask, sounding a little more judgemental than I intend. “Sorry, yeah I can tell you if you don’t share the same views as your dad.”

  “My father is an old bastard that will never change, unfortunately,” Matt says, but there’s something sad about the way he says it.

  “It’s difficult pleasing him?”

  My mind feels fuzzy, sort of like those old retro TV sets with a constant static screen. I feel like saying something more apologetic, but I can’t think straight. What the hell am I doing?

  “Yeah, but Hudson always got the worst of it. I was the coward.”

  “Parker.”

  Matt and I both look up to see Hudson standing a few feet away from us. His face is blank and his eyes are dark. A shiver curls down my spine. I know he’s not in a good mood. Well, I don’t really give a damn.

  “What are you doing?” His question is directed at Matt.

  “Chill, we’re having drinks. Clearly, you don’t know how to be chill,” Matt says.

  “I want to talk to you.” Hudson steps forward. “Can we talk?”

  “I’m afraid not. I’m done talking to you Hudson. How does it feel now not getting through to me?”

  He glares at me for a long second before his eyes flicker to Matt’s and I can see that he’s getting irritated.

  “Don’t look at me, that’s her choice,” Matt says in a defensive tone.

  Hudson smirks. “Don’t be a cunt.”

  “Look, don’t start with your shit-” Matt shoves his hand in Hudson’s face which is a totally wrong move because Hudson hits Matt’s cup out of his hand, before grabbing my hand and pulling me with him.

  “Let go of me!” I shout, but Hudson’s grip gets tighter until it feels like he’s crushing my fingers with his.

  “You’re hurting me!”

  “Am I?” His voice is cruel and empty. “Am I hurting you? What about how you’re hurting me.”

  “You not even make sense!” I shout. “Do you hear yourself?”

  As he pulls me through the crowd of people, someone bumps into me and I turn to make eye contact with a brunette who’s in an extremely revealing red dress.

  She smiles at me and Hudson stops walking and that’s when I realise it’s that bitch from the yacht.

  “Hi, I’m Stella,” she says, flashing me a wide smile.

  I don’t reply and I don’t get a chance to because Hudson steps in front of me, shielding me from her.

  “I warned you,” he says in a clipped tone.

  “I just wanted to say hi.” I watch as she bats her eyelashes at him.

  “Both brothers are really hot, don’t you think?” Stella shoots her question at me. “But you don’t know a good fucking until you’ve been with Hudson.”

  I can feel the bile rising in my throat along with all that alcohol. I’m going to be sick.

  Turning around, I make a beeline for the front door, running away from Hudson as fast as I can. Running away from the party.

  I can feel the tears streaking down my face and I choke when I finally make my way outside.

  The vomit comes up immediately and I empty all my stomachs contents onto the grass. Oh crap.

  “Parker, she’s talking bullshit.”

  I can hear him behind me, but I don’t want to hear his stupid voice. Not right now.

  “Parker.”

  I stand up straight and wipe my mouth with the back of my hand, before turning around to face him.

  The bile returns and I don’t think I can do this right now.

  “Stay the hell away from me,” I tell him. “You are disgusting. You are vile. I can’t look at you or hear your voice right now.”

  Hudson’s face falls and for the first time, I love seeing the look of despair on his face. “I swear I never did anything.”

  “I don’t care,” I tell him as I angrily swipe at the tears that just won’t fucking stop. “I want to leave. I’m going to leave. Open the gates and let me go right now.”

  Hudson takes a step forward. “Parker,” his voice cracks. “Please, don’t do this.”

  “You will let me go!” I snap. “I don’t love you.”

  “Parker.” There are tears in his eyes as he walks towards me. “I love you, please. I’m begging you.”

  “Open the damn gate!” I shout in frustration.

  My head is already throbbing with a headache and I don’t feel very good right now.

  Hudson stays silent for a moment and I finally think he’s given up when he just smiles.

  “You want to be difficult? Fine, but I’m not letting you go. I’ll never let you go Parker and I don’t think you quite understand that yet,” he says before turning around and walking back into the house.

  I stare after him completely in shock from his words and then the panic starts to set in.

  52

  Over Before It Even Began

  Parker

  I stand there for a long minute, breathing heavily, my shoulders shaking as I cry, not believing what I got myself into.

  But I still need to get out of here, so I pull myself together, wipe my face as best as I can and go back into the house.

  Thankfully, I can’t see Hudson anywhere. Is he with Stella right now? I quickly climb the stairs and make my way to his room.

  When I push the door open it’s bathed in darkness, but I adjust my eyes to the dark and find my backpack and clothes lying on the floor. I grab everything and quickly stuff it into my bag and then find my phone in the bedside drawer.

  I can’t believe how different things were just this morning when we were right here in his bed having sex. Feeling like I’m going to cry again, I continue with my task and go back downstairs, my eyes searching the crowd desperately.

  Matt’s dark mop of hair with his wreath still on comes into view, so I push through the crowd until I reach him.

  “Hey, Matt!” I grab his arm and he turns around to face me.

  He frowns when he looks at me. “What happened to you?”

  “I-I don’t want to talk about any of that right now. Can you please take me away here? I need to leave. Can you take me away from here?” I ask over the music.

  “Are you sure? It’s late right now. I can take you in the morning if you want,” he says.

  I shake my head. “No. I need to leave right now. Can you take me or not?”

  “I can. Let me just grab my keys, okay?” He leaves me for a minute or two, so I continue to watch the crowd for any sign of Hudson.

  He’s still nowhere to be seen. Matt comes back to where I am standing and pulls off the wreath from his head, before throwing it down on the ground. “Let’s go.”

  We leave the house as quick as we can and head over to Matt’s Mercedes Coupe that’s just a few feet away from where we are.

  Matt unlocks the doors and we climb in quickly. I haven’t even really thought this through, but I just need to get out of here and away from Hudson.

  “Are you okay? Did he do anything to you?” Matt asks as he starts the car and the engine purrs to life before he reverses.

  “I’m fine. I’m really sorry, Matt. I’d love to discuss everything with you, but not right now. I just can’t deal with Hudson,” I tell him as I sink back into my seat.

  My body is exhausted from the day. I feel as if I’ve been in some horrible accident and now all I can feel is pain, physically and emotionally.

  “Whatever he did, he can’t control it, Parker. As I told you before when we were younger, I got away from a lot and he took most of it,” Matt says, as we drive out through the gate.

  “Well, if he has issues, then he needs to get it sorted out. I didn’t sign up for this,” I mumble.

  I can feel Matt looking at me, but I continue to stare ahead. “Maybe that’s exactly what he needs? Someone to sign up for this shit and help him.”

  “If you’re his family and you couldn’t help him, then what makes you think I can?”

  “I didn’t help him. That’s the point, no one has ever tried to,” Matt says.

  I shake my head. “I’m sorry, Matt, I wish I could say I’m the one that’s going to help him figure out his shit and stick by his side, but I really don’t think that. There’s something wrong with him and it’s not good. I was brought up with level headed parents that taught me to understand when to walk away from a situation.”

  “You’re right,” Matt says after a beat. “He’s no concern of yours. I’m sorry for asking you for such a big favour.”

  I want to say something else, mostly because Matt is making me feel guilty, but after everything that’s happened tonight, my brain couldn’t possibly forgive what Hudson did.

  Even if he is troubled in some way, how am I going to help him change?

  What about the emotional aspects of getting myself hurt over and over again just because he needs help?

  Matt and I hardly talk for the rest of the drive, going nowhere specific. I couldn’t go back to Manhattan right now in the middle of the night.

  Think, think, think, Parker.

  Something does pop into my head and I remember my parent’s old family holiday home in Mastic Beach that couldn’t be that far from here.

  “Hey, Matt how far is Mastic Beach from here?”

  “Hmm, about half an hour,” Matt says. “Do you want me to take you there?”

  “Are you okay with it? I’m really sorry for troubling you like this when none of this is any of your concern.”

  “Are you crazy? I couldn’t leave you out there on your own. And yes, I’m okay with it,” he says.

  “Thanks, also could you just keep this between us?”

  “I won’t tell a soul. I promise. What’s the address?”

  Matt types in the address I give him on his GPS and it doesn’t take us long to reach Mastic Beach. Soft music plays in the background, lulling me to sleep as Matt drives at a moderately good speed.

  * * *

  “Parker.”

  I’m shaken awake by Matt hovering above me. “We’re here,” he whispers.

  “Oh.” I sit up and stretch my arms as I look out at the small family home in front of me. I hadn’t been here in years.

  It’s a cute house that was perfectly made just for my mom, dad and me when I was a little kid and before my dad created his business. It was one of his first projects.

  I grab my bag and climb out of the car. My body feels like crap and I need to sleep immediately.

  “Do you need cash or anything?” Matt asks.

  “No, I’m good, but thank you so much,” I tell him as I wrap my arms around him. “I appreciate it.”

  “You’re welcome. Here’s my number, let me know if you ever need anything,” Matt reaches into his jeans pocket and retrieves a business card, before handing it to me.

  The card has both his work and phone number printed in silver italics across its creamy surface.

  “Do you want to stay the night?” I ask. “I inconvenienced you, so it’s all I can offer.”

 

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