They called me mad a lit.., p.1
They Called Me Mad: A LitRPG Apocalypse Series, page 1
part #1 of Mad Series
THEY CALLED ME MAD
©2021 J. PAL
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ALSO IN SERIES
THEY CALLED ME MAD
THEY CALLED ME MADDER
Contents
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
FROM THE PUBLISHER
LitRPG
ALSO IN SERIES
Chapter One
Too Good To Be True
Five minutes. The countdown on the screen moved painfully slow. The flying saucer behind it cast a shadow so dark on Piccadilly Circus that the city had started keeping the streetlights on twenty-four seven. The world had seen the spacecraft’s residents when they first arrived three months ago, but we still hadn’t established communication—or so the governments claimed.
The five minutes felt like they would never end. The flying saucer rotated on its horizontal axis as the countdown finally reached the fours. It wasn’t just me; the entire world wanted to know what they had to say. Had they come to make friends? Invade the planet and steal our resources? It could be our abundant water supplies they wanted. I could name a few science-fiction plots where aliens had come to our world to drain the oceans.
The internet couldn’t make up its mind since all the flying saucers had done was hover over the planet’s capital cities. Some claimed they were tapping into our satellites and broadcasts to learn more about us. Others claimed they were gearing up for an attack. Since the governments hadn’t done anything about them yet, I considered the likelihood of it low. They were colluding with the government, that much was for sure.
It had to be something good, right? Perhaps they had the answer to all of the world’s problems. The countdown read four-and-a-half minutes now. We’d find out what was up pretty soon.
“Costumes on, lads!” I yelled, sitting in the garage. “It’s about to start.”
“Arses in seats, gentleman!” Liam exclaimed, straightening his Spock-ears. He always had to one-up me. We had agreed, homemade costumes only, but no, he had splurged on a Star Trek outfit. “T-minus four minutes to the global address. Forty years from now, your kids will ask you where you were when the sexy space elves addressed the world. This is the story that will make you a fucking legend.”
The aliens didn’t call themselves sexy space elves, of course. We just struggled to pronounce Khjurhnalva, so we opted for the easier version. Besides, they were all female, gorgeous, and had long, pointed ears. So Liam and most of the internet called them space elves. What else could we call them? Sure—it was borderline misogynistic and juvenile, but we were first years in University studying engineering. You’d have to be insane to expect more from us.
I, on the other hand, preferred Alvans, but the term space elves had snuck into the conversation a couple of times. Mum had gotten mad when she heard me using it on the phone. So I did my best to avoid it.
“Keep your underwear on, buddy,” Rajesh said from the kitchen, over-enunciating every word as always. “What kind of mind-blasting experience would this be without snacks?”
I expected his flatmate Pallav to chime in, but the tubby international student had passed out in the armchair after his one beer. His incredible levels of self-esteem never failed to amaze me. Pallav had designed his outfit around his belly and come as Jabba the Hutt.
Meanwhile, I had dressed as my favourite sci-fi character: Doc Brown. I wore a long white lab coat, off-white trousers, brown boots, and a floral-print shirt underneath. To achieve the full-on sci-fi effect, I had cut a sheet of PVC plastic into the scientist’s iconic sunglasses from the second film and spray-painted it silver. Finally, for the signature white wispy hair, I used aluminium foil. Liam had ridiculed my handiwork as soon as he saw it, but I didn’t care. After gluing a sheet over a brown skullcap, I had stapled aluminium spaghetti to it. It kept its volume and crinkled when I moved, giving me the mad-scientist look I wanted.
While Liam continued to project his self-proclaimed alpha demeanour, I tidied my workstation. None of us had a car, so we had turned the garage into a makeshift lab. I didn’t like to admit it, but I was the least talented of my little friends’ group. Pallav was at the top of his class in electronics. Rajesh ranked similarly in computer science, and Liam had already started second-year modules in his mechanical engineering degree. Meanwhile, I was scraping by in electrical engineering.
Full disclosure: I had no interest in my degree. My parents had forced me into it. I preferred writing sci-fi short stories and sketching the various weapons and devices in them. The lab acted as a safe space for us to practise the practical elements of our degree. Even though Rajesh and Pallav didn’t live in the house, they found the time to come in and build their little robots.
Meanwhile, I wasted my time at the desk writing and drawing. The only thing I had ever built at my workstation was a potato launcher. It sat on a shelf above, taunting my procrastinating mind. Now that I had my friends over, I felt compelled to put the sketches away and make it look like I used the space for assignments and self-study.
“You’re not fooling anybody, Matt,” he told me. “Why don’t you come, put your feet up. It’s going to start any second now.”
“Fine.” I sighed, taking a seat next to him on the couch. Our landlord had converted the one-bedroom house’s living room into a second bedroom. So we used the garage as our TV and dining room as well. “Wake up, Pallav!” I yelled, poking him with my foot. “One minute left until the broadcast starts!”
He sat up groggy eyed just as Rajesh entered the garage balancing dips, drinks, and an assortment of snacks on a tray. Liam chuckled as I hopped onto my feet to help him. The asshole would prefer Rajesh drop the food for the sake of a laugh. I seriously regretted moving in with the dickhead. We’d been friends throughout high school, but I didn’t realize how insufferable he was until we started living together.
Once the snacks were neatly laid out on the coffee table, Rajesh—in his Han Solo costume— squeezed in between Liam and me. Good. Every time Liam opened his mouth, my urge to smack him in the back of the head got stronger.
“Hold on a sec, only hummus?” Of course, despite not spending a penny on the food, Liam felt the need to criticize the spread. “Where’s the guacamole and the salsa?”
“Shut up,” I said, rolling my eyes. Liam spun to face me, ready to argue as always. I quickly diffused the situation by pointing at the screen. “It’s starting!”
The timer graphic disappeared, displaying the Alvan ship as it hovered over London. It had the classical flying saucer shape conspiracy theorists liked to go on and on about. A hexagonal hole opened at its center, casting a gentle golden beam on the currently empty crossing of Piccadilly Circus. The Metropolitan Police had cleared the space for the beautiful alien women’s global address. A trio of gorgeous buxom beauties manifested where the light met the ground. Everyone knew the three faces. They were the Alvan people’s ambassadors, charged with conveying messages between our people and theirs.
The crowds held back by lines of military and police cheered as soon as the golden b
When the lead Alvan raised her hand, everyone fell silent.
“Good evening, Earth,” she said, her voice sweeter than honey. “Before we get started, there is one thing that we want to make clear. You are as much our saviors as we are yours. The Khjurhnalva have not spent the last week deciding whether to help you or not for the sake of charity, but because we need you as well.”
The Alvan looked at her two beautiful companions. They both nodded, smiling gently.
“We wished to be more discreet about this, but both you and we are out of time. Our predictions were incorrect. We don’t have a decade before the invaders come to your planet. It will be any day now—”
“What?” Liam exclaimed, spitting out a wad of hummus-coated tortilla chip.
“Shush!” Rajesh pulled him down into his seat.
“Our scouting drones have been monitoring the extremities of your solar system for months, but it wasn’t until earlier today that we realized that we’re looking in the wrong place.” The cheering crowd had fallen silent as the Alvan’s words sunk in. “After we sabotaged their faster-than-light drives, we hoped they’d take much longer. We’ve been working with your governments, making plans for upgrading your technology and spreading our gifts. Unfortunately, due to us underestimating the enemy, we no longer have that luxury. They’re using ancient interdimensional passageways that shouldn’t exist.”
It wasn’t just the crowds—everyone had their mouths hanging open: the police, the soldiers, and us. If a close encounter with aliens wasn’t shocking enough, now they were dropping bombs on us that we had no choice but to believe.
“You might have noticed that there are no men among us,” the Alvan continued. “That’s because the forces coming to invade your planet infected our species with a disease that killed all the males. As a result, we need humanity’s seed to survive.”
My friends and I all audibly swallowed. The Alvans wanted our seed. They had hundreds of ships floating all around the solar system, each housing several million of their kind. Socially awkward engineering students couldn’t hope for anything better...but didn’t it all sound too good to be true?
“Not just any human seed will do though. We only wanted the strongest and smartest. You’ll need to survive and overcome the attackers to become worthy of mating with a KhjurhnAlvan.” The men were cheering again. The police and soldiers had joined in too. The longer I stared at the screen, the odder it seemed. Considering the bomb shells they had just dropped on us, the cheering was the last thing we should’ve been doing. I jumped when my friends started cheering too. Even Pallav, who hated moving, rose out of his chair and did a jig, celebrating the possibility of bedding an Alvan.
“We, as a race, have come to a unanimous decision and are activating the global human upgrade program now. Do not be alarmed, friends. Screens shall appear in front of your eyes in words you understand. They will guide you and help you access our gift. With it, I hope you’ll survive what’s to come. Then, humanity and the Khjurhnalva can build a beautiful future together.”
Human upgrade program initializing…
Stand by for dispersal.
As soon as the floating words appeared in front of my eyes, everything went silent. My friends went still like statues and their faces turned expressionless. Pallav dropped the beer he had in his hand. It bounced off the coffee table and splashed on Liam’s trousers, but he didn’t react. It wasn’t just them—all the people on the television had gone silent too.
Language translation module initiated.
“What the fuck is this?” I asked out loud.
No one answered, of course. When I tried to touch the screen my hand passed right through it. Holy shit, it was a hologram! My heart rate picked up when I realized what was going on. This was like the increasingly popular system apocalypse tropes happening in real life.
“This can’t be real.” The words came out in an almost sing-song way. Why? That had never happened before. Why the hell did I feel the need to talk to myself? Was this anxiety? “Please don’t make me level up.”
Unlike most power-fantasy fans, I never wanted to live through one. Reading the stories was enough for me. Even though I wasn’t a religious guy, I prayed for all of it to be a bad dream. The Alvans could go away. Despite their undeniable beauty, I wanted nothing to do with them.
I looked past the floating screen at the television. The space elves hadn’t gone still like everyone else. Instead, they were grinning at one another. Now that I saw them smiling, the unnatural air about their faces finally registered. They were just too symmetrical! Imperfections and oddities added to a person’s beauty. Their flawless faces gave them a plastic mannequin look. Their eyes almost seemed to shine, and the delicate eyebrows didn’t move. Despite their unnatural faces, I knew what the look on their faces meant: everything they had told us so far was utter bullshit. Why would a powerful alien species want to waste resources helping us when at war with a superior force? They could just raid our sperm banks and then use their superior technology to get whatever they wanted.
The longer I stared at the screens, the clearer it became. The Alvans knew how sexy they were to us and had figured out they could control the majority of straight men with their sexiness. This had to be their plot! Then again, there were quite a few women in the crowd too. I saw a pair of children too young to fall for the temptation of sex. It just didn’t make any sense!
“Wake up!” I said, shaking Rajesh. “We need to do something about this.”
He didn’t respond. I tried the same with the other two, but my attempts had no effect. I peeked out of the garage at the street outside. There were people out there frozen and standing still. I spotted a husky pulling on its lead, whining, the poor girl’s owners not responding—not just the man but the woman too. The dog had to be terrified.
Why did the Alvan magic not work on me? Why would they choose us out of an entire galaxy? Why have us compete instead of work together? Surely having more options of sperm donors would serve them best.
I didn’t get long to rack my brain. The earth shook under my feet, making me stumble backwards and topple into the couch.
Standby.
Sector reshuffle initialized.
Comms tower plantation initialized.
Chapter Two
Setting The Board
Even though the ground shook, my friends and the furniture didn’t budge an inch. It was almost as if they had all been petrified and glued to the floor. As the only conscious one, I had fallen victim to whatever the Alvans were doing to us. I waited for the shaking to stop, but it didn’t. So I clung to the couch for dear life.
Sector 58005-06-90-M
Assigned danger level: Yellow
The words and numbers on the screen made very little sense to me. Was yellow good or bad? People on the interwebs called me an isekai pleb. I didn’t have a lot of experience with the system apocalypse stories. Couldn’t the System just use numbers? Without knowing the scale I couldn’t tell how much of a threat we faced outside. For all I knew, the System considered white the most dangerous of all colors and black the safest.
First, I needed to calm down. Breathing in and out deeply, I managed to get my heart rate somewhat under control. However, the anxiety headache refused to leave. Now that I thought about it, my temples ached a lot more than usual, and it had started before my heart rate picked up. In fact, I recalled a strange pain blossoming in the middle of my forehead when everyone had gone quiet but, used to such discomfort, I hadn’t paid it much attention.
